Time is running and we are on a fast track, even rushing our children, pushing them hard and most of us out there in some way or the other are teaching them, “You have to win, you must, you can, and you should.” It’s measured by the day; rather we are computed to compare them with friends and cousins as we ourselves strive to become a helicopter parent. Ever wondered of what we are doing?-Before even they open the dictionary and figure out what “winning” actually means, we have already in some way conveyed, “if you don’t succeed or win, you are an outcast in my eyes.”
We live in an era where waiting for a skill/milestone to be developed or emerge at its own natural pace seems very passive or torpid and leaves parents confused, anxious and they feel that “pushing” is better than “being supporting”. How hard are we going to push or whether we need to push at all? The question that pops up is am I a good parent? Am I good enough?
As the annual day on 18th December 2018 leaves behind memories and teachings, we take a deep breath as our son leaves a mark bashing the outstanding performer award for grade two and here we are, just as normal as we are not really affected by the pomp or awards or the claps. We realize this when we wake up next morning around 8 am, only to welcome messages and phone calls congratulating him and after he is done replying Thank you to one and all, he looks at me, a bit irritated with early morning calls and sits on my lap yet a sleepyhead. I haven’t even taken a sip of my piping hot tea and he asks me – “Mama Is winning so important? What is success? My friends in school jumping in joy and ‘their parents’ and our other family members seem to be more excited and delighted than you and papa are.“ These words are verbatim from an 8 year old. I was dumbstruck for a second, wondering whether and what I should do to make him feel his parents are proud of him. I paused, coz I knew it was well conveyed not only on this day but every day in our own little ways and he surely knows it as the shy boy grins and has that twinkle in his eye as he hugs me quietly and stays there. He is aware that neither his mom nor dad has ever been in any kind of a race. (Oh yes, one race I know I will never win and that’s the rat race.)
Allowing children to respect themselves and enjoy their achievements with their own efforts is a better bet. They need not have a shelf of trophies to prove successful. Let them be. Instead we parents need to teach them to be “Happy” in however they are, in whatever they do. Compete with one self to what you were yesterday than competing with others. Recognising and building their potential along with determination and focus on learning is more important than winning. Let them feel worthy of their merits by imbibing self-effort rather than embed in a surrounding where success is derived by some kind of status, series of awards, attitudes and competition following a philosophy of being that so called perfect. Parents can be a strong backbone, a mentor, a guide and lots more but eventually they need to learn to face their own battles. Empower, Equip and teach them how to cook than spoon feeding.
We as parents don’t remember throwing a party for our kids or gifting them a basket of toys on any accolade. But yes we appreciate them in our own simple ways and trust me, that reaches their heart at one go. Success is not seen all at once. We get introduced to a ladder of failures as well. Let success not rule or rattle the head, for our children are yet to actually know and learn how to travel their journey of life. Winning and Losing is just a part of it. There’s a lot more. Do we remember the roots from where we all came from?
So as we/they celebrate all the accolades and jubilation, be humble. Be grounded. “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less”. (Look up to the sky and dream as we take one moment at a time.) 🙂
18.12.18