Children are innocent and so honest. They put you into an insight mode every time they say or do something. There is a ‘brutal truth’ in almost every situation. They haven’t even learnt about life nor have they formed their filters right, but they somehow just point out things to you and one has to be ready to accept that.
Well, over the years when I raised my children, I came across situations that were simple, complex, confusing and many more. I realised that there are some things our children “Don’t” tell us. Maybe they should but for some reason, they just don’t find the right words to express it to us. And that’s where we have to be alert to find out those cues. It is tough. Communication is the key to all understanding and misunderstanding. At times, we need to shift our focus now that parenting is a slippery road and if we fail to miss the turn, we could land up in a big pothole.
So, here are some pointers or basic needs that I felt we as parents may miss out. (These are my observations)
- Loving them intentionally : It means genuity, to give a thought and purpose to how we show or express love to another. A child needs much more that sending them to school or serving them delicious meals. What they really need is for us to lovingly learn who they are, how they are, what they need , their beauty, their language in which they want to communicate and simply taking interest in them.
2. Being present and paying attention : No matter what the age of your child, there is a huge need for attention. Just because kids are adults or married, they want parents to be physically and emotionally present when they are with them. Everyone loves approval and so do they. Encouraging and motivating them makes them confident and happy.
3. To be supportive, no matter what choices they make : Life isn’t easy but not impossible. Everyone needs a support system and from time to time, we do need reassurance, love, support and advice. We all have made errors. Our children might make bad choices too. Depending on our own thinking, we may land up jeopardising or being critical. Instead being supportive to your child might foster another view or make them feel loved. So support your child and not their choices.
4. Saying NO and setting boundaries : Giving up to all their wishes might put us in a doldrum. This could be a hard decision for many parents but it is necessary. It helps them to set borders, understand the needs of the moment, their thoughts and at times save them from potentially dangerous situations. Social media has created so many cognitive distortions and lowered self-esteem. There is a rut or competition to have so many followers and likes. Creating borders at a young age will help your child know how to place healthy decisions in their life.
5. Allow children to live their own purpose : Each one of us likes to do what we want to do or what makes us happy. Nagging to our kids might just be harming in the long run. Our kids do want and need us to tell them that they are unique, special and loving even when they are confused or scared of taking a certain step or decision. They need to pursue what they like to do and we need to carefully convince or accept them the way they are.
6. Discipline them : This doesn’t mean shouting, abusing or hitting. Just like they need to be told NO, discipline does not mean punishing them. It simply helps them to organise and learn how to be in order at home, work or school. It is shaping and moulding them to behaviours that are correct and acceptable with compassion and love. Guidance is what they need.
7. Individual time : Giving them their own Me time is essential. Just as we would like to isolate ourselves from the hustle-bustle of daily chores and wanting to have a peaceful time, they need it too. But if parents have their undivided “eyes only” attention on a daily basis, children do get the message that they are important and that they matter.
8. Independence: Space and independence to grow and learn helps them to make better choices in life. It means giving them or allowing them to work things out, trying stuff on their own too, under our guidance. They learn that at times things may work out and at times they don’t. there are positive or negative consequences.
9. Embrace their mistakes : Being a helicopter parent or standing like a shadow monster does no good. They should know and learn that it is okay to make mistakes and they can be corrected. Things can be unlearnt and learnt. Embracing their uniqueness and affirming it makes them stand out and feel loved.
10. It is okay to cry : We all have emotions and we need to vent it out. Just because they are adults, or it is a man, does not mean they can’t cry. Everyone has blue days and crying is a way of just making your heart lighter. Keeping it within you is harmful. Talking it out or venting out definitely helps.
30-12-2021